Divorce therapy
Divorce therapy is formany couples an invaluable aid in dealing with the hard emotional consequences that a divorce can entail. Every divorce tells a story of broken dreams, and
can result in heartache and bitterness. There are examples of grueling power
struggles both during and after the divorce - to the detriment of both parties.
An experienced couples therapist can support you in getting a good divorce. Is
there a good divorce? Yes. There are divorces that end with all respect and self-respect
intact. Couples therapy can support you in healing the wounds and give you
learning and life experience for the good of yourselves – and not least for the
good of joint children. Just like family and friends can breathe more freely.
In this article, I will take a closer look at how couples therapy during a
divorce can help you.
Why is divorce sohard?
Marriage never goesout of fashion, and for many people is an anchor in life. The relationship
carries our dreams and longings, and we invest a lot of effort and a lot of
love in making it work. So when, despite all our good will, it bursts under the
weight of our illusions, for some it feels like falling into a big black deep
hole. Like being "sawed in the middle", hit on identity. I used to be
a we, now I'm alone with myself. Where should I go? Whether it is with or
against my own good will, divorce means a change of course, and it has
consequences for other people as well. When there are children on board, it
requires extra consideration.
When divorce is theright solution
Divorce is the rightsolution if you have been dependent on each other in unhealthy ways, in abuse
or unequal power relations, psychological or physical violence. Divorce can be
the crisis needed to learn to take responsibility for one's own life. If your
partner can't or won't communicate openly, and if you can't learn anything from
your conflicts together, then divorce can mean new freedom and new meaning in
life for yourself - and also for your partner. “Hvornår ved man om man skal skilles.” Divorce is the right solution if you havesimply grown apart and want to go your separate ways. Or if you refuse to wait
for your partner to realize himself. Divorce is often the only solution if you
disagree about whether you want to have children together or not! Any
compromise is out of the question here.
When divorce mightbe the wrong solution
Lack of openness andcommunication, lack of security, closeness and recognition, as well as
misunderstood considerations, cause many to give up working on creating a
future together. This, together with time pressure and prioritization of
children, friends, free time, career etc. over the partner, leads to the
couple's time together becoming mostly practical. You have become a team. The
magic is gone.
However, it is all something that can perhaps be corrected if
you want to give it a chance. All couples face adversity, and adversity can end
up making you stronger together. For some couples, it is valuable to see what
adversity has to tell us about ourselves and about the other. Whether you stay
together or break up, now with greater life experience as ballast.
How does divorcetherapy help?
Divorce therapy helpsyou gain clarity and overview in chaos. If you start couples therapy because
one or both of you want a divorce, god parterapeut, you may discover that there
is still something between you that is good to build on. Four out of five
couples can avoid divorce because they discover along the way that the
differences are not so unmanageable that you need to separate. You may not have
been able to truly listen to each other. Maybe you never really got to know
each other, but discover new sides that put everything in a different light.
It may also be that itis too late for you to find each other again and save and develop the
relationship: then there will be a lot of practical decisions that you will
have to make together: concerning joint children, division of property,
finances. And then there is your individual process of adjusting to a new life.
For some, a divorce leads to anxiety or depression.
How divorce therapycan help you when you have children together
What helps the children is that they see thatyou can communicate with each other and resolve conflicts. Otherwise, the children risk becoming hostages in your conflict. It hurts them to overhear
arguments or simply feel the bad atmosphere between you - and they become
unhappy and insecure when they feel that you are upset and angry with each
other. Some parents end up forming alliances with their children, and may speak
ill of the partner. All the tensions that exist between the divorcing couple
settle "in the stomach" of the children - who may also be afraid of
what the divorce means for them. where shall we live? Who should we be with the
most? Who decides that?
